You Are My Last Love

If loving you with all of my strength, with everything that I’ve got, with every piece of my heart was a mistake, forgive me. If trusting you more than I trust myself was a mistake, forgive me. If giving much more importance to your words than my own was a mistake, forgive me. If believing in you more than I believed in anyone else was my mistake, then forgive me. If missing you more than my family was a mistake then forgive me. If asking for some of your time but not my family's time to communicate with you was my mistake, then forgive me. If my ‘over love’ took your breath away, then forgive me for all the suffering and pain.

If supporting you throughout everything for several years was my mistake, then forgive me the next time you think of me. If encouraging you like no one else was my mistake, forgive me .during your sleepless nights. I wish that you forgive me for caring for you, for loving you more than your friends, my family or anyone else you know on this entire planet. I realized I was never yours, I was always being taken for granted, and I was being said so many things. Listening to those And coming back to you. was having less self-respect . Forgive me. None of my feelings, none of my words, none of my emotions mattered to you in all of sudden.

Forgive me for all the love I poured upon you for ages. Forgive me for not letting you go away the first time you told me too. Forgive me if crying for you was a mistake. Forgive me if I ever made you feel bad with my love. Forgive me for being a faithful lover. Forgive me for those few late night calls that you anyways ignored.

On any day, if you think of me, I hope that you remember me as a guy who always believed in you. I hope you think of me as a person who gave you everything but got nothing back. I wish that you think of my patience for once, and the way I always supported and stayed with you in the tough times. None of those things were easy for me but, you see, I always ignored your flaws, your abusive words, your wrongdoings, your shortcomings. I kept going, going and going until the day. I kept giving, giving and giving until the day.

Even though it was you who always left me in silence on my hopeless nights, it was me who came back to you many times. You always got me back with your ‘sorry’ I agree, I was too stupid in your love. I accepted your ‘sorry’ every single time with the hope that you realize, with the hope that you change and with the hope that you truly start to think.

But, none of that worked in the end. I feel it was always me who wanted us together; it was always me who felt lonely in your half-love. It was always me who used to make sure that you receive everything in a relationship within my love.

Today, when I think of you, I realize that I never made you crave for my love, for my time and for my words. I never left you in silence like how you used too. I never left you wondering where you stand in my life like how you did to me. I always choose to talk; I always preferred words over silence with you. I never made you wait for me. And, that’s not something you wanted!

In case I get to see you soon ; I have to ask you “Was it my love which turned you into a cruel person?” because that was the only thing I had truly given to you.

Was it my trust that broke you or was it my mistake to trust in you? Or, is it me who misunderstood your words? Was it my mistake to expect some of your time? Was it all a little too much for you to handle? If ever my tears gave you the unworthy feelings, forgive me.

                                                                                                                                        

Let me tell you once again today for all the pain, for all the tears and sleepless nights, for leaving me without answering and for never asking me to stay back. In your love, I always felt abused. In your love, I felt lost and lonely. In your love, I was never appreciated. Whatever I do you stopped appreciating me. In your love, I was always broke, I was incomplete, and I was always questioning myself and my worth. Why you have become like this. Everything was perfect, you were important and I was important for you. What mistake did happen from my end you started behaving so odd with me.  And now, I realized, I was stunned to know how much you are important to me.

I realized how much I am into you. You can't leave me alone in this battle and can't be selfish. I never wanted anything bad for you. I didn't realize when it turned into negative from positive. I just love you too much. You gave me everything. M crazy about you not just because you are in my life because the way you carried me. I don't wanna lose you. When you deny something' to me . It feels like someone crushing my vital organs. ‘Thodà time’. Anyone could have given little time with odds. That's what I needed from you. That's what I expect from you. But telling you all this, and expecting you to reply is an impossible thing now. One thing I always wanted is, I never wanted love for me in your eyes. The way you are saying it's over it is killing me thousand times.

I know things are not perfect. Because of me u were embarrassed too much. But I do respect you. I can't see you with pain The way you used to look at me. If I look at you the same way forgive me. Recently i have seen you, you are saying things on my face like it never matters to you. I made mistake but it was just for you. I couldn't tell you hospital incident because what I heard is I don't care from your mouth. I know it's not you but someone else.  Figure out something which could help me help us really and in actually.  few words I have written I hope you feel this with your heart. Here I am with whatever you are going through. I am ready to accept everything. But why are we losing out? And please don't say ours is no more.

Our love is pure. Even if we are not together it will be always there, till the time i close my eyes forever and never open it